kissing him is more than amazing. to feel needed, wanted, and to want and need; it’s so satisfying. it almost makes me sad because i feel the hunger, his and mine. it’s savage yet beautifully tender and giving. he makes all of my dreams come true. i don’t want this to end.
likewise, friend :)
and it’s one of those emotional, unseen adventures that when you reach the other side of it you look back with a more sweet-than-bitter appreciation of where you’ve come from; I’m looking forward to that time.
Oriah Mountain Dreamer
it’s a chilly first day of fall and while cleaning the house i thought it would be nice to open the doors and windows. but living right behind 94 is kind of like living next to the ocean. only less soothing and more obnoxious.
well, time to make some homemade chicken noodle soup for the boys tonight before football!
i am so angry. hurt. and i know that i am not loving myself, my friends and family, or my god. this darkness is consuming me again. why did they give up on me so easily?
so last night was bad.
everything, every one of them, from the beginning came back to me and like ghosts haunted me. i’m sorry to everyone who had to put up with my crazy side.
i am just so lonely.
even the friends who i loved are so far away. silent.
i pushed them away. i don’t know them anymore. don’t recognize them. and while they go on with their lives, and i go on with mine… i miss them.
but i have to just keep going. it’s better to wallow alone, than to subject everyone else to the chaos and hell that i am: janell.